You may have heard that Valentine’s Day was last week. If this is news to you (and you have a romantic significant other) it might be time for some damage control.

While some people experience anxiety during special celebrations or holidays, my wife and I decided early on to dodge the pressure and set each other up for success.

The key is expectations.

When it comes to marital strife one potentially poisonous ingredient is expectations.

1. Expectations that are unrealistic
2. Expectations that are not communicated

Now expectations aren’t necessarily bad. I expect LK will be faithful to me. LK expects me to take out the garbage. I expect LK to cook. LK expects me to wash the dishes. Etc.

It’s natural to have expectations, but they can spell disaster if they are 1) unrealistic or 2) uncommunicated.

Did you catch that?

Expectations must be achievable and communicated.
Your spouse cannot read your mind.

Looping back to Valentine’s Day.

Special occasions (birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc) traditionally provide an opportunity to demonstrate love, friendship or general thoughtfulness with a gift. The trouble a lot of people face is picking the right one.

• What kind of music does he like?
• Is she a gold or silver type of lady?
• Would he prefer a gift card?
• Will I get her the right size?
• Does company X have a liberal return policy?

So much stress and pressure when really it should be “the thought that counts”.

Well, instead of struggling with the “What should I get John/Jane?” skip the hassle and create a running wishlist on Amazon. If they don’t have what you’re looking for (which is rare) there’s a nifty browser plug-in that allows you to add items from other websites.

But isn’t a wishlist tacky and impersonal?
Heck no!

In addition to Amazon, LK will give me the latest Cookie Lee catalog with a variety of jewelry circled. This is a win-win because I get to shop stress-free and LK gets something that she really likes. How is that not thoughtful for both of us? I’m the hero and she is “spoiled”.

A few tidbits to keep in mind when creating a wishlist.

• Variety. Don’t just add a ton of books and cd’s (I’m guilty of this). Be a little creative. This allows the gift giver to feel more thoughtful and  you end up with cooler stuff.
• Price Range. You are allowed to wish for a flatscreen TVs, Blu-ray box sets, etc. However, my guess is your friends and family aren’t oil barons or NFL quarterbacks. Add items from a wide price range. It’s a wishlist, not a genie in a bottle list.
• Share it. If people don’t know what to get you, send them a list. DISCLAIMER: Don’t share unless they ask for it. That’s just bad manners.
• Keep it updated. As cool as it is to get stuff you actually want, most likely you don’t need 3 copies of that Zach Morris poster. After a holiday or special event pop online and clean up your wishlist.

Who is one person that is hard for you to shop for?
What is your take on wishlists?

Would an international holiday ever be created in your honor to celebrate your character, faith or sacrifice?