Episode #22 of the Wise Guy Wednesday series features Sharideth Smith, a humor writer who mostly ghost writes and has a lot work that appears on e-How.
She’s got two kids and a husband. All of which she likes most of the time. You can find her ridiculous advice to single men at A Woman’s Guide to Women: A Blog for Men. I guarantee you’ll laugh out loud and maybe even learn a thing or two.
On my blog I have a series of Relationship Deal Breakers. The idea being there are really very few things that cannot be overcome or compromised on when it comes to keeping a relationship in tact. No, loving vs. hating Good ‘N Plenty’s is not one of them. Though that may require some counseling.
The same is true for our faith and denominational boundaries. My being okay with wearing jeans to church does not negate my salvation even if you think a woman should only wear skirts with Keds and bobby socks. Totally not a deal breaker.
Real deal breakers only include how you define who Jesus is, whether you believe the Bible is that actual word of God and how salvation occurs.
There’s an easy test to figure out if you have crested a hill worth dying on. Ask yourself “Does this change who God is or the role of His Son in my life?” If the answer is no, you do not have a deal breaker. Which is exactly what I told my son when he asked what would happen if we found out aliens were real. Score!
Everything else falls into one or more of these 3 categories:
1. Preference
Skirts vs. my evil pants. Hymns vs. CCM. Cathedral vs. meeting in a bar. Pentecostal vs. would rather eat glass than raise my hands in church. These are preferences. We all have our comfort zones and there is very little more personal than how we choose to approach God. The important thing is that we do approach Him.
2. Discourse
Calvinism vs. Arminianism. Drinking vs. T-Totalling. Old Earth vs. Young Earth.
Democrat vs. Republican. These things are up for discussion. Talking good. Fighting bad. We should have open discourse about anything and everything. Iron sharpens iron and all that. We should constantly be increasing in wisdom and a good way to do that is to have open, non-hostile conversation with those who interpret things differently than we do.
3. Grace
Oh boy. I get in trouble sometimes by reminding my fellow believers that the only people Jesus ever got really mad at and condemned were those who professed piety while sitting in arrogant judgment over others. Yeah. Think about that. He didn’t offer the woman at the well judgment and conditions for His approval. He offered her grace. We need to stop sitting in judgment over those who find their way to Christ differently than we do.
If you ask Christians about who has hurt them most, the majority will point the finger at their brothers and sisters in Christ. How profoundly sad.
How do we fix this? Simple. Always choose to err on the side of Love God and Love Others. If those two things are most important to God, then shouldn’t they also be most important to us? Let everything else fall away like chaff.
Have you ever been judged for worshipping in a certain way or holding to a specific doctrine?
Is there someone you have sat in judgment over who you need to ask forgiveness from?
FABULOUS, Sharideth!!! I had a conversation with a friend yesterday who said, “I’m sorry, Jesus was just NOT tolerant”, as she went on and on in total Christian piety.
I had a total “hold up, wait a minute” moment in my head. Thanks for validating me with this post!
funny how backwards people get it sometimesallthetime, isn’t it?
“…the only people Jesus ever got really mad at and condemned were those who professed piety while sitting in arrogant judgment over others.”
BOOM-shalolly. Well done, you two. As usual.
and it’s Knox McCoy with the slam dunk colloquialism at the buzzer!
You are wise, gal.
it is not i, but the Holy Spirit who works through me.
ha! Jesus Juke! gotcha! it was totally all me.
oh and thanks. seriously.
Hmm. I’m gonna maybe be dense here and ask: Which kind of deal-breakers are we talking about?
1) Things that mean the other person is not a Christian?
2) Things that mean you shouldn’t be romantically involved?
3) Things that mean you shouldn’t be congenial acquaintances?
I’m with you if it’s #1 or #3. I’d say some of those issues can be a realtionship-breaker on the romantic side, though. I personally don’t think it’s a good idea to date anyone who has significantly opposite political views, for instance. I don’t mean just having a D or an R after your name on the registration forms, but a serious liberal/progressive and a serious conservative should probably not date. If you have definite political views and you’re serious about them, it speaks to a different view of how the world does and should work that’s likely to crop up in other areas sooner or later.
primarily #1, with some #2 and some #3 thrown in for flavor. i think who you choose to allow into your life can be limited by your own convictions/deal breakers.
with this post, i’m more concerned with how those who profess Christ as their Savior treat each other.
I think this issue is in the realm of how we love and whether the decision to do so is based our definition list for the ideal spouse. What if your spouse changes their political ideology after you are married? What if you fall in love with someone who has no political interest at all and you are a talk radio arguer? Very sad to miss the woman of your dreams because she is not politically correct (according to you…).
Awesome post Sharideth! Writing sans caps must make you smarter than the average mortal…
i highly doubt that…
We actually have a container of broken glass near the front doors for those few people who prefer to eat glass while raising their hands in church.
There aren’t many of these hearty souls, but the few who attend out church can be asked to do almost any of our grosser chores during the “Do your chores so Jesus loves you” section of our worship.
Oops. Guess I messed up on the html in my comment above.
*points and laughs*
*then runs to google “html”*
I’ve been judged for my denomination, but not for my personal ways of worship or my personal doctrine. So, basically I’ve been stereotyped. It’s really hurtful, especially considering that the words have been spoken to me by people near and dear to me who just don’t know much about my faith. Which just typing that makes me wonder-where did I fail to explain it or live it in such a way as to lead them to believe such things that are not true?
DOH!
I’ve most certainly sat in the seat of judgement, but only in my heart. I don’t think I’ve ever said anything to anyone out loud-at least not to their face. Oh, no, fail again! Stop convicting me with your words. We’ve only just met! Great post, Sharideth.
Amen! Preach it, sister!
>>> “Always choose to err on the side of Love God and Love Others.”
Couldn’t have said it better myself. Well said!