Episode #29 of the Wise Guy Wednesday series features Brandon Hall, a husband, father, blogger and freelance crocodile skin backpack designer.
Brandon has worked in youth ministry as a volunteer for the past 10 years and he has a passion for seeing men build strong, transparent relationships with one another to better equip the Body of Christ.
I hope you enjoy this story of friendship and brotherhood.
photo by nate steiner
Most of my life was spent alone. Sure I had acquaintances that I called “friends” but it was nothing more than a few words throughout the day at school or church. I didn’t have accountability, friendship, that one thing that keeps us going, knowing there is someone we can depend on. Then that all changed in the fall of 1999 during my freshman year of college.
I was naïve, introverted, and had only a few people that I would talk to. Then one night a few weeks into my freshman year, for some reason that slips me this many years into the future, I wound up in a 1990-something maroon Camaro with T-tops that was nicknamed Laverne. In that small care there was 5 of us packed in there and the driver had to stop for gas, after he got gas we decided to clean his windshield with the bucket of blue stuff there by the pump. Somehow, this turned into four of us with four windshield wands, cleaning his entire care. Yeah, we were cool. (The 5th person involved was so embarrassed he stayed in the car pleading for us to stop). That event started lifelong friendships with Aaron, Thom, and Chris.
From there we decided to start an accountability group that met once a week. We talked about everything from Bible reading, to depression, to sexual temptation. It was glorious to me, being someone who hadn’t had a close friendship with anyone beyond going to a movie or taking a class together. We went camping together (there is a story that involved a flashlight and camping that I’ll save for another time), took classes together, and even watched each other find girlfriends, fiancées and then wives. We were in each other’s weddings, were at the hospital to celebrate the birth of children, and have been there for each other when we have lost loved ones.
There is something beautiful, complex, and glorious about the male friendship. It’s beautiful when it’s done correctly and causes challenge and growth. It’s complex because we, as men, have to fight through so many walls and masks to get to the real issues and emotions behind some of the most difficult things in our lives. And it’s glorious because when we find that friendship or friendships, we feel like we can conquer the world together like to gladiators in an arena full of hungry lions.
I believe that this is what God intended it to be. To have those relationships with guys where we can be both wounded and warriors, compassionate and courageous, vulnerable and Vikings (wait, what? Vikings?). We need to have those men in our lives that are there with us through everything, the good, the horrible, the dishonest, the ugly, the miserable, and the joyous. That celebrates and mourns with us. It makes us better husbands, fathers, and men when we have these types of relationships.
Is it easy to find them? No. It’s one of the most difficult things, as men, for us to do. To push down walls, masks, and facades to get to the real person and allow the same to be done to us. Is it worth it? Absolutely. There is nothing more rewarding to have a friend that you can call in the middle of the night and will pick up the phone with no questions asked.
Do you have this type of friendship in your life right now?
What is the craziest thing you have done with these friends?
For more from Brandon you can connect with him through Facebook, Twitter, or read his sporadically updated blog.
Your story reminds me of that classic orange mocha frappuccino Zoolander scene. Thank goodness it didn’t end in a freak gasoline fight!
Man, I long for those types of friendships as well. I’m blessed that I do have guys like that in my life, but we don’t connect as much as we used to…especially since we have all moved to different cities.
But that’s no excuse. These friendships are worth fighting for. Thanks for giving me some stuff to chew on now.
I love that scene, and thankfully windshield washing fluid is not flammable.
I completely understand what you mean about worth fighting for and how life gets in the way, I have grown apart because of distance from these same friends in the post, but I still know that I can contact them at anytime and it will be as if no time has passed at all.
Thanks for your friendship!
The true power of friendship. I longed for friendship like David and Jonathan. A friendship so deep that it inspires and builds up.
As Ernie said, these friendships are worth fighting for. Thankfully, I’ve done a bit of crazyness with friends. One included breaking into a city pool in the middle of the night and getting chased by cops. Long story, but boy, was it fun!
Absolutely! I think that friendship between David and Jonathan is possible, but one of the most difficult things to find, especially between two men.
I need to hear this story sometime, maybe the next time we grab a sandwich together in Princeton.
Brandon – so great! Love your story about friendship. Yes I do have a friend like this – and I have many not so intimate friends too – but it takes a special person and series of events to bond a friendship – so I don’t have many like this. Friendship is a special gift and I don’t take it lightly because I’ve had some go a different way and not stay friends – so the ones that know everything about me and still stay around, love me anyway are very rare indeed
Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for being honest about your struggle with the friendships you do have. I completely agree, we need those friends that love us and stand by us warts and all. I have had several friendships that have come and gone and am still working on the ones that are lifelong.
Powerful story Brandon!
I’m in that season right now where some of those relationships have dwindled (due to moves, life changes, families, etc) and I’m in the beginning stages of developing similar relationships with other guys. Definitely needed in all our lives!
Jason,
I know what you mean, these same friends in this blog post, while we are still close friends, have grown apart in some ways because of distance and life changes and I am also working on building up those same types of friendships too. Ironically some of those new friendships have developed with other men I’ve come to know online through my blog, facebook, and especially twitter.
Keep fighting for those!
Thanks for sharing, bro. I have friends like this, though we don’t see each other often enough. Mostly we do lunch in a food court downtown near where they work. Me and one guy have climbed a mountain together. Community is amazing.
Brad,
Thanks for commenting, community is so vital and is something that we so often neglect in our lives until it’s needed. Keep working on and building those relationships. And props for climbing a mountain, something I wouldn’t even dream of doing right now.